Abbey walks into the market, surrounded by fruit and vegetable vendors, and is immediately assaulted with "Povelite?" "Povelite?" "Can I help you?" "Can I help you?" She avoids eye contact and walks through the long aisles of produce, looking for the prettiest apples, until one particularly enthusiastic vendor stops her.
Vendor: Can I help you?
Abbey: Um...
Vendor: Can I help you?
Abbey: (seeing he has no apples) I'm looking for apples and kiwi. Do you have any?
V: No. But look at these potatoes!
A: I want apples and kiwi.
V: Onions! Get some onions!
A: Apples and kiwi...
V: Look at these oranges!
A: (sigh) Okay, I'll take some oranges.
V: How many?
A: Um... three.
V: Only three? But you are a big woman!
A: What?
V: BUT YOU ARE A BIG WOMAN.
A: (choosing to believe he really meant "tall") Oh. Haha. Yes. Um... just three.
V: Okay... only three... I have a son. He is 30. Here, look at his picture!
A: Mhmm...
V: Where are you from?
A: America. Tennessee. Do you know it?
V: Yes, yes, I know. Tennessee, Kentucky, Virginia, Mississippi, Arkansas, Louisiana, Arizona, California, Oklahoma...
A: Wow. You know a lot about America.
V: Yes. I used to teach geography. I also know about Honduras, Venezuela, Guatemala, Spain, Germany, England, France, Mexico, India...
A: You are very intelligent.
V: You should buy potatoes.
A: Maybe next time.
V: How long are you here?
A: I live here now. I work with the Roma. I... talk about... Jesus Christ? (She wishes she knew more Macedonian.)
V: Oh! (He crosses himself.) Where do you live?
A: On Pariska Street.
V: My son teaches gym at the school on Pariska! He is 30. He does not have a wife. How old are you?
A: Um... 23. (Watches the wheels turn in Stanoe’s head.) And I don't want a husband right now.
V: Ah, why? Why?
Another customer approaches. Abbey is thankful.
A: It was nice talking with you. What is your name?
V: Stanoe. Like English Steve.
A: Ah, Steve is my dad's name!
V: But you should call me Professor. I don't speak English well. But my son speaks English! He is very handsome and smart!
A: It was nice to meet you, Steve.
V: Professor.
A: Excuse me. Professor.
Exeunt.
8 comments:
HAHAHA!!! Abbey, that was HILARIOUS!!! Thanks for sharing your market adventures! That made my day! :)
brilliant. and I think you should take a risk and meet the son. you never know! ;)
I almost just spit a sandwich across the room. This. Is. AWESOME. :) Made my day.
This is great Abbey! I could totally visiualize this conversation.
Love this whole third person conversation going on!!! And YOU!!! :) You make my heart happy!! :))
Ha ha! Love it.
[enter every awkward creature here, including turtle, upside-down turtle, rock, giraffe, jellyfish, bigger jellyfish, llama, squid, and anemone]
hahahaha...that is a hilarious story. Really funny. Nice delivery as well. Love you.
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